A Fresh New Start

I have been pouring out feelings and emotions into this blog for more than a year.  And I have to admit it was to help me deal with me losing your Nenek.

As time goes by, I feel that is not right this memoir for you is filled with sad, longing entries, when there are so much more for you to know and have as a keepsake of me.

So today, I vowed to make this blog as lively as you are today.

Thank You Allah SWT for making me realize that I never really lose my Mak as memories of her really lives in my mind everyday.  And for giving me the strength to really LIVE for the ones I have today. 

Subhanallah.

Nenek

I feel like writing today, hence a second post for the day.

All the experience with Mak Mi brings back fond memories of your Nenek.  

Today, I miss her most (this won't be the last time).

I miss her laughter. Her funny sms-es  sent during late afternoons while I am at work.  I miss her glaring at me because I think I've done something funny (when it's not). I miss her freshly showered smell.  I miss rubbing her back. I miss her afternoon phone calls asking me what she should cook for dinner.

I miss her.

Mak, we all miss you.  May Allah grant you Jannah, and may He grants us our request to meet you in the Afterlife.

Mak and Ahmad Danial at 8 months old

Baba's Pillar of Strength

A special post for a special lady.



Hajjah Aminah aka Mak Mi is your Baba's grandma.  Ever since I got to know him, her name is mentioned whenever raising your dad is the topic of conversation.  She is strict, yet loving and endearing.  She is the matriarch to your Baba's family.

Your Baba loves her dearly. That I can see in his eyes and of how he speaks of her.

At this date, she is not in her best of health.  Laying down in bed most times, she looks up only to sometime recognize and sometime forget who is in front of her.  

Tok Tam and family is currently taking over the task of looking after her.  All this while, Tok Bik has been her faithful companion at their home in Kulim.  But because of the extra special care she needs now, being weak and all, she is currently with Tok Tam in Penang.  Being an ex-nurse Tok Tam has the skills to care for elderly people like Mak Mi.  We thank both Tok Bik and Tok Tam from the bottom of our hearts for their dedication thus far.

We've been spending the long 3-days Malaysia Day 2012 weekend with her.  Baba is most concern about her health and left Penang that Sunday with a heavy heart.  I could not bear to see him say good-bye, as his eyes tells me of the sadness he felt that moment, not knowing if this was the last time he'd be able to talk and jest with his beloved grandma again.

Mak Mi, we pray for your well-being always, and trust in the will of God for all of us.

Love,
Rosma

Ketentuan Allah

My dearest Khadijah,

One thing you must acknowledge in life is that, our path in life is part effort, and part "ketentuan" Allah SWT.  So, as much as you think you have done a great deal to achieve something, and think you deserve to get it, Allah alas knows what is best for you.

As such, don't despair if the ends to your work does not arrive, but rather be grateful, and move on to your next goal post.  Whether you realize it or not, Allah has better plans for His servants.

The more you understand this, the easier it is to move on and ponder less on what has happened.  Then you can truly be at peace with yourself and with others around you.

I know you are a beautiful part of the "ketentuan" that Allah has set for me and Baba.  And I know you are the reason why He only granted us a child after three years of trying.  Alhamdulillah.

Erasing Old Memories, Starting New Ones

Memories are a funny concept.  I was just telling your Baba, how I've lived 36 years of life with Nenek, but the strongest memories I have of her involved her stay at the hospital during the last two months of her life.  The last 2 months were filled with memories of hope, recovery, routine visits and care.  But most profound image of all was her staring out of the ICU ward window.  God knows what was going though her head.

I don't know how long that memory will stay.  Perhaps forever till my last breath.

So now, I focus on adding more meaningful memories especially surrounding you and our loved ones.  Right now, its specifically focused on Atuk.  Atuk doesn't ask for much in his age now.  Just to feel he is needed and able to care for his family - even if Mama and Pak Long has passed that age already.

I'm arranging a holiday for him to Vietnam.  A trip he will take i n October with some friends.  I hope he will have good memories to keep from that trip.

Mama

Understanding Others

There are times in life when it is really important to be super understanding of other people's situation.  Well, come to think about it, not just certain times, but ALL THE TIME.  Being emphatetic of someone's condition helps you think and be thankful of the blessing you have from Allah.


Hidup ini singkat. Don't let it be too complicated than it needs to be.  Kalau kita senangkan hidup orang hari ini, esok-esok ALLAH akan membalas nya dengan memberi kesenangan pada kita.  Tapi, janganlah mengharap kesenangan itu datang.  Biarlah diberikan kesenangan pada saat Dia ingin berikan.

The End and New Beginning

As I write this, its the end of 2011.  The next entry will be in 2012, and we are celebrating that new year with a new addition to the family, Aishah Zahirah.  


She's the second child to Pak Long and Maklong, and sister to Ahmad Danial.  Yesterday, Mama and Baba brought Atuk to see Aishah and Maklong at the labour ward. Today, Pak Long has just sms-ed Mama to say that both mother and child will be coming home.  Seronok nanti ada baby dalam rumah.


Khadijah must be a good sister okay? You must help take care of Adik Aishah.  Petang nanti you will meet her.  So, till then be good.


Mama.